I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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