The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
