the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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