I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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