when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
