farters have to be the big spoon...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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