he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
