No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
