I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
