your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I look better un-naked...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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