I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
