I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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