I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
