Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
