After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
