Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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