got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize