i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
