look no pants
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
