I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
