I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
