We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize