I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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