im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
