she was so not down for the gang bang
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
