I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
