No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
