hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
