We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
