My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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