did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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