dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
