Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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