he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
