dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
