she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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