singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
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