everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
