You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
