He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
