she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize