I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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