I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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