Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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