I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
