if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
