My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
