I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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