I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
