why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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