i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
