Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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