chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
