Joe is yelling at the trees again.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
