I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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