I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
