I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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