once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I believe in your delicious
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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