Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
