I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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