She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize