At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
