I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
