if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
