Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize