I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
