omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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